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February 2011
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winglessangel89 [userpic]

soo, lightbulb!  I just realized pretty deep stuff like 30 minutes ago while I was taking my shower.  Mainly why I really broke up with Ryosuke.  Yeah.  I was shocked.  It was crazy subconscious shit that rocked my own world.

So, 2 years ago when we were long distance Ryosuke cheated on me, right?  It was mid-October and I found out about it in November.  This is the second big stretch of us being long distance and when did I really start pulling away?  Mid-October.  On top of that, I wasn't talking to him as much so I felt pretty insecure about everything.  So, I think I was justifying breaking up with him with all those little things, but it was really me subconsciously trying to protect myself.  CRAZINESS right?

Anyways, that aside, all those little things were legitimate reasons and I definitely can't be all "Oh I do love him so let's just act like this ever happened."  So, like I said before, the best either of us can hope for is a type of open-relationship dealio while we're long distance.  I really need to be single a bit.

But I don't even know if he wants to talk.  If not, then it's not gonna work anyways.

I also decided that I want to go back to Japan for a bit.  I love it and miss it.  But I think I only want to go for a few years instead of going for the 15 year plan like I had before.  I'm figuring out what I really what now, so maybe things will start to come together soon.  I just don't know who else will be a part of the life I want yet.