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winglessangel89
winglessangel89
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February 2011
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winglessangel89 [userpic]

Today on my way to Japanese class I ran into Jumpei.  I didn't realize it was him right away since he was so far away and was wearing a hat, but he stopped and started looking at me with that surprised look he has.  When I realized it was him, I smiled and waved.  I was a bit embarrassed because I knew he was looking at my hair.  It didn't take very long for him to tell me that he knew what happened and he was worried about me.  He said that he wanted to talk to me about it and that he understood what it was like.  Honestly, I kind of expected a reaction like this from him.  We'd talked about what happened between him and his ex-girlfriend briefly before.  They ended up breaking up because of long distance and she started dating another guy pretty soon after.  Somehow I expected him to want to talk to me about this.  I'd already warned Ryosuke in advance that I may talk to Jumpei about it because I thought Jumpei would want to talk about it.

I assured Jumpei that we'd been talking things over and we were actually back together.  He didn't even hesitate, he got it right away.  He said "I can tell you're still nervous though, right?"  I couldn't even answer that.  But, he just told me that if I ever felt sad or lonely that I should call him.  It really did mean a lot.

Anyways, later I talked to Ryosuke and Carin again.  I've mostly just been working stuff out with Ryosuke, so that's the same old same old.

Carin though, I finally think I got some closure of the whole thing.  I've been asking question after question.  And I'm sure I'll still have questions.  But I feel a lot calmer now.

One thing that bothered me was for some reason she started talking about how Ryosuke's dad hit him as a punishment when he was younger.  I knew that this happened a bit, but it happens to a lot of kids.  I don't agree with it personally, but its nothing out of the ordinary.  She started talking about his dad as if his dad was a horrible person and was responsible for some part of Ryosuke's problem.  I really couldn't take her talking about his dad like that, so I told her straight out "
I'm not going to say its ok if that happened, it's not.  I'm not okay with hitting your child for any reason.  But I've met his dad and I got to know him really well.  His dad is a respectable man.  He's not very strict but he has good values.  He never seemed scary or angry in all the time I spent with him.  I'm really not comfortable with hearing you blame his dad for what he's doing now..."

It was actually the first time I spoke out against her or anything she told me.  I just respect Ryosuke's dad too much to let her comments slide.

Finally, I told her/asked her the question that had really been bothering me.

"
I can't understand how you never cared about him as more than a friend but you let all that stuff happen knowing that I was out there..  I'm not completely blaming you, but I can't completely blame him either.  It takes two.  But I can't understand why you'd get involved with a taken man when you don't even care about him in that way.."

She then proceded to tell me her life story.  By the end, I'd come to a conclusion that I kind of suspected since the beginning.  She used him to sooth her own selfish loneliness.  I'm not angry with her.  People make mistakes.  I'll write more about my thoughts on this later.  But I do think although he was wrong and knew better than to fall for it, she was the one that started it.  It doesn't really matter, but it helps me trust what he says about this situation.  I won't be trusting his word from now on without extensive proof for a long, long time though.